Why do I do this to myself?

I had a friend that resurfaced after several years and visited me and the kids a couple of years ago. I've always been the queen of self-deprecating and sarcastic humor, so calling me, or a loved one "stupid" isn't an insult, it's a term of affection. He, however, took great offense when I called my son stupid. Said friend, it should be noted, has never been one to pick up on social cues or tone very well, so I had to explain that my son knew I wasn't actually calling him stupid, or that he knew I didn't think he was actually a dummy, but that the affectionate tone I used, etc, was inclusive and a term of endearment.

That said, I can honestly tell you that I am stupid. Or stubborn. Or delusional. Here's why.

It's been just under 1 month since my last chemotherapy treatment. It's only been about a week or so that I've been able to touch my toes. I've only just begun pilates and some form of organized movement, outside of rolling in and out of bed, toddling in and out of the car, etc.

And yet, I've committed to not only raising $1,000 by May 1 for Team LIVESTRONG, but to ride the 43-mile TD Bank 5 Boro Tour as a V.I.P. with my son. No, I haven't learned, I'm still banging my head against that wall.

If you've been following my blog for some time, you'll know I rode it last year. I had a rather unfortunate mishap involving the tip of my saddle, my "delicate parts," and gravity which made the final stretch of the ride most exciting. And I went on, at length (ad nauseum) about how out of shape I was last year.

Well, never one to underperform, I'm entering into this venture even less in shape than I was last year. (Huzzah for me!) I have to tell you, despite that unfortunate collision, this was a tough ride. The ramp leading up to the Queensboro bridge is my NYC Kryptonite, as it nearly broke me before I'd even made it onto the bridge. And the approach to and the ride over the Verrazano is nothing to sneeze at.

But, I'm committed. (Or perhaps I should be?) Why?

Because cancer can't stop me. Chemotherapy isn't going to stop me. It may slow me down, it may force me to struggle harder to regain whatever "normal" feels like. But it's not the end of me. I've got fight in me, still, and now I've got one more weapon in my arsenal when attacking a Challenge like this one: REVENGE.

I'm taking revenge out on cancer. I'm taking revenge for losing my breasts. For losing my hair. For losing my eyelashes. (Though, I was thankful about losing leg hair, etc, allowing me to retire the razor and body wax for a while.)

Back this Cancer Vigilante, would ya? $1,000 by May 1 sounds like a lot, but let me tell you, a little bit every day helps tremendously. Please make a donation today - any amount is appreciated.