Friday, June 14, 2013

Stop riding my coat tails, Ms. Jolie!

Just like she copied my voluptuous, succulent lips, she had to go ahead and lop off her perfect breasts, just like I had to a couple of years ago. Granted, she decided not to wait until she heard the words, "You've got cancer," to do it, but still. I guess imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so I'm flattered.

But, now, she's going all "Single White Female" on me with getting an oopharectomy.

Oh, no, Angelina-chica, this is where I draw the line.

I was due to get spayed months ago, it's just that my insurance got all ferkakta. And now, you come along, and you think you're getting your ovaries removed before me? No way. Get in line sista!

So, just to make sure you don't keep trying to lay claim to territory I've already staked, I'm having my ovaries removed on Monday.

Oh. And I'm having my boobs tweaked, too.

Beat that, Miss-Right-Leg-Show-Off!

Stupid BRCA genetic defect... #FUCANCER

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