Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Reflections from my bed

Not that I ever imagined what it would be like to have cancer, so I can't say, "I always thought that when I fought cancer, I'd... " but, once I got involved with LIVESTRONG, I assumed that if I had cancer, I'd either be in a hospital bed the entire time or be one of those amazing folks whose life would be completely uninterrupted, and working out/exercising more than before. Hell, I'd entered into this adventure racing during diagnosis, determined to ride the LIVESTRONG Challenge, doing pilates, etc.

And yet, since October and the infection, I've put on weight, I am heeding my doctors' advice and not doing anything, and nervous about going outside to walk, spend too much time out of the house, etc. I've become a reclusive Pillow Pet. With the exception of a few days to the office, an excursion or two, I've pretty much just been in bed or on the sofa. It's gotten to the point, between the lack of exercise, chemo, etc, where simple things like walking a block or two down the street, going up and down the stairs, etc, leaves me absolutely winded.

For a while, it was just affecting me physically. But, now, I'm finding it's affecting me mentally. Other than day-job work from home, I'm finding myself struggling to put the effort into doing other things. I'm so mad at myself for not doing more. I should be able to make more phone calls, write more letters, etc. And, yet, I can't quite seem to get myself out of my mental bed.

The good news is that I'd have to imagine that this is a temporary situation. Perhaps this blog will be enough to jar me into activity.

I need to find some motivation, here, folks. Part of me wishes I had a dog so I'd have to walk it. Or someone other than the kids in the house to force me to go for walks.

One of the pluses of living here on the lake is that it's quiet and secluded. One of the minuses of living here on the lake is that it's quiet and secluded.

It is beautiful, though. If you could only see the sunset view I have from my room night after night, and stunning vista of the sweeping flights of the swans over the lake throughout the day is remarkable.

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