Showing posts with label NED. Show all posts
Showing posts with label NED. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
2 down, 3 to go...
Friday, December 21, 2012
Struggling to find my "What's Next?"
As many of you know, several months ago, I parted ways with my previous employer in Stamford. Things were just spiraling on a number of levels, and a change was necessary. I'd begun freelancing with the hopes of finding the "right fit" for a permanent position, and that journey is still continuing as I'm still working on contract. Needless to say, that takes a lot of time. And, as many of you also know, my previous employer's "situation" allowed me quite a bit of freedom during treatment and the standard work day, so my apologies that my blog hasn't been more consistently updated.
The whole cancer thing, as previously discussed by me and others, forces one to reflect upon their life. You ponder what could have been. You examine what you're currently doing. You explore the possibility of the future, if and when, you come through the cancer experience.
This is often riddled with the insecurity of the unknown, particularly as you learn that friends and peers that joined you in your Class of 2011-2012 Cancer University have had to fight again, or worse, have died. These were your lab partners, your study buddies, your lunch mates. Some were the girls down the hall you run into once in a while brushing teeth, while others are that girl you buy your coffee from every morning. But to think, when you go back to your reunion, that they never graduated, had to go back, or are just never going to be there again, forces you to wonder about yourself.
In the past couple of months, I learned that my Chemo Buddy is fighting again. Today, I learned that an amazing fighter, Tiffany Costa, whom I tried to help find access to an elusive drug thanks to the stupid pharmaceutical shortage driving her to the international Doxil black market, died last week.
These women are, were, my age. We were fighting breast cancer together, in very different ways. No amount of money, resources or effort seemed to dictate success. Tiffany raised over $50,000 to help her with her medical situation when I first met her. And she had a long fight ahead, including figuring out how to transport the drugs she managed to secure overseas before the seller raised the fees again.
My other friend has a supporting family, but has chosen to continue her fight quietly.
And here I am. Alive. No signs of metastases. Declared NED.
But I'm uneasy. I'm uneasy about my status. I'm uneasy about bills. My job. My career.
So, I've been exploring. I joined First Descents this summer and rediscovered physical strength. I'm going to go to Hawaii in the Spring with Athletes For Cancer to surf - fulfilling two dreams - to go to Hawaii and to learn how to surf. I pulled out the sewing machine for the first time in years to make clothing - to finally put all those sketches, ideas, fashion wish-lists to the test and throw my anxiety about crappy sewing skills to the wind. So, almost every day for the past 2 weeks, I've created a new garment. Nearly every day I've worn at least one of my creations. (After all, it's only fabric. If I screw up, who cares? I make it a few sizes smaller and give it to my daughter, or I rip the threads and go again.)
I'm finally taking out the sketchbook and I'm building and making the things I'd put off for a rainy day.
Here's the rub, however... Unless I get onto Project Runway and win, I doubt I can make a living making clothing. And, unless Martha Stewart dubs me her successor as Queen of the Crafts, all the candles and plaster work in the world isn't going to pay the bills.
And, as long as I am trapped in a COBRA plan that costs significantly more than my mortgage, that offers sub prime coverage, and I receive no benefits from work, I'm just malingering in my career.
I proverbially drop to my knees and beg someone to just bring me on full-time already. Enough with the freelancing. Enough with the contracting. It ain't for me. I have enough instability to deal with. I can't stand not knowing at the end of the month whether or not I'm being "renewed," if I have to choose between COBRA and mortgage again. I refuse to withstand further interviews where I rock them, but one moment in haste as frivolous as sneezing in the wrong direction can cause the employer to opt not to make the offer they were going to a second ago.
I ask you, what's next for me? Because I'm still lost. And the more I'm lost, the more scared.
And, as irrational as it may seem, I often wonder if I don't get hired full-time soon, with a permanent job, will the cancer come back first?
The whole cancer thing, as previously discussed by me and others, forces one to reflect upon their life. You ponder what could have been. You examine what you're currently doing. You explore the possibility of the future, if and when, you come through the cancer experience.
This is often riddled with the insecurity of the unknown, particularly as you learn that friends and peers that joined you in your Class of 2011-2012 Cancer University have had to fight again, or worse, have died. These were your lab partners, your study buddies, your lunch mates. Some were the girls down the hall you run into once in a while brushing teeth, while others are that girl you buy your coffee from every morning. But to think, when you go back to your reunion, that they never graduated, had to go back, or are just never going to be there again, forces you to wonder about yourself.
In the past couple of months, I learned that my Chemo Buddy is fighting again. Today, I learned that an amazing fighter, Tiffany Costa, whom I tried to help find access to an elusive drug thanks to the stupid pharmaceutical shortage driving her to the international Doxil black market, died last week.
These women are, were, my age. We were fighting breast cancer together, in very different ways. No amount of money, resources or effort seemed to dictate success. Tiffany raised over $50,000 to help her with her medical situation when I first met her. And she had a long fight ahead, including figuring out how to transport the drugs she managed to secure overseas before the seller raised the fees again.
My other friend has a supporting family, but has chosen to continue her fight quietly.
And here I am. Alive. No signs of metastases. Declared NED.
But I'm uneasy. I'm uneasy about my status. I'm uneasy about bills. My job. My career.
So, I've been exploring. I joined First Descents this summer and rediscovered physical strength. I'm going to go to Hawaii in the Spring with Athletes For Cancer to surf - fulfilling two dreams - to go to Hawaii and to learn how to surf. I pulled out the sewing machine for the first time in years to make clothing - to finally put all those sketches, ideas, fashion wish-lists to the test and throw my anxiety about crappy sewing skills to the wind. So, almost every day for the past 2 weeks, I've created a new garment. Nearly every day I've worn at least one of my creations. (After all, it's only fabric. If I screw up, who cares? I make it a few sizes smaller and give it to my daughter, or I rip the threads and go again.)
I'm finally taking out the sketchbook and I'm building and making the things I'd put off for a rainy day.
Here's the rub, however... Unless I get onto Project Runway and win, I doubt I can make a living making clothing. And, unless Martha Stewart dubs me her successor as Queen of the Crafts, all the candles and plaster work in the world isn't going to pay the bills.
And, as long as I am trapped in a COBRA plan that costs significantly more than my mortgage, that offers sub prime coverage, and I receive no benefits from work, I'm just malingering in my career.
I proverbially drop to my knees and beg someone to just bring me on full-time already. Enough with the freelancing. Enough with the contracting. It ain't for me. I have enough instability to deal with. I can't stand not knowing at the end of the month whether or not I'm being "renewed," if I have to choose between COBRA and mortgage again. I refuse to withstand further interviews where I rock them, but one moment in haste as frivolous as sneezing in the wrong direction can cause the employer to opt not to make the offer they were going to a second ago.
I ask you, what's next for me? Because I'm still lost. And the more I'm lost, the more scared.
And, as irrational as it may seem, I often wonder if I don't get hired full-time soon, with a permanent job, will the cancer come back first?
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Why do I support LIVESTRONG? For those of us in the fight
Today I was given the news that I'm still NED (No Evidence of Disease) by my doctor at my 12-month oncology check-up. Of course, it's a sigh of relief on my part.
But don't think that means my fight is over. You never know how long that status is going to last.
I could feel an ache in my abdomen, go to my doctor, get a scan, and learn that I've developed ovarian cancer, at which I'm at high risk. I could develop a cough and learn that the breast cancer has spread to my lungs. I could be declared, officially, cancer free at 5 years, and then, the next day, learn that my breast cancer has appeared in my brain.
So far, knock on wood, spit on the ground, spin around, etc., I'm one of the lucky ones. And I know that. My fight is experiencing a cease fire - but I know it can be temporary or permanent, and the choice isn't mine. I'll always be on the defense to an extent.
So will 28 million others in the world today.
The fact is that until there is a be all/end all cure, all of us who have been touched directly by cancer are in the fight. If we're lucky, we're only called into battle once, but some of us may be sent to the front lines over and over.
As I indicated this week, cancer has no concept of what's fair or what's not, despite our desperate hopes.
In that regard, I'm reminded that a yellow ribbon represents those of us that we love that are away from home fighting. In some sense, our LIVESTRONG yellow wristbands aren't that different - only they represent that part of us that, once a diagnosis is given of cancer, that is always in the fight.
We are all veterans as well as active duty in this battle. And, just like our military heroes, a yellow wristband on your wrist lets us know that we aren't forgotten, that you respect the fight in which we are entrenched, and to celebrate our bravery.
Every day, I sadly learn of friends, and at times, family, who are called to battle once more. In the past week, I learned that one dear friend, whom I consider a kindred spirit in this fight, was, at times, B.J. to my Hawkeye as we fought in tandem in the hell of our little breast cancer M*A*S*H unit. We were both hanging in the 4077th until I got the call from her that she was being called up to the 8063rd to active duty and I have to stay behind in the Swamp, with nothing left to do but to pray for her well-being and her family.
LIVESTRONG provides fighters like her, and her family, support and empowerment.
But to keep doing that, LIVESTRONG needs our support. I will fight, even from behind the front lines, on my bike, in Challenges, running events like Sunday's ROCK the RIDGE, etc.
Please consider making a donation today. HTTP://LAF.CONVIO.NET/GOTO/RICAROCKSAUSTIN2012
But don't think that means my fight is over. You never know how long that status is going to last.
I could feel an ache in my abdomen, go to my doctor, get a scan, and learn that I've developed ovarian cancer, at which I'm at high risk. I could develop a cough and learn that the breast cancer has spread to my lungs. I could be declared, officially, cancer free at 5 years, and then, the next day, learn that my breast cancer has appeared in my brain.
So will 28 million others in the world today.
The fact is that until there is a be all/end all cure, all of us who have been touched directly by cancer are in the fight. If we're lucky, we're only called into battle once, but some of us may be sent to the front lines over and over.
In that regard, I'm reminded that a yellow ribbon represents those of us that we love that are away from home fighting. In some sense, our LIVESTRONG yellow wristbands aren't that different - only they represent that part of us that, once a diagnosis is given of cancer, that is always in the fight.
We are all veterans as well as active duty in this battle. And, just like our military heroes, a yellow wristband on your wrist lets us know that we aren't forgotten, that you respect the fight in which we are entrenched, and to celebrate our bravery.
LIVESTRONG provides fighters like her, and her family, support and empowerment.
But to keep doing that, LIVESTRONG needs our support. I will fight, even from behind the front lines, on my bike, in Challenges, running events like Sunday's ROCK the RIDGE, etc.
Please consider making a donation today. HTTP://LAF.CONVIO.NET/GOTO/RICAROCKSAUSTIN2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
March Newsletter: Spring is here, and we are blooming with ideas!
UPCOMING EVENTS:
- 3/14 in Darien, CT - Fondue-Raiser for LIVESTRONG - http://meltingpot.com/darien/
specials/ livestrong-fondue-raiser
Dine with us and you will enjoy a special four-course fondue feast for just $44.95 per person. A portion of the proceeds from each meal purchased ($10.00) will go to the Lance Armstrong Foundation. Please phone in your reservation today: 203-656-4774 - 4/29 in Pound Ridge, NY - The 3rd Annual ROCK the RIDE & RUN benefiting LIVESTRONG - http://www.active.com/5k-race/
pound-ridge-ny/ 3rd-annual-rock-the-ride-and-ru n-benefiting-livestrong-2012
Choose to walk, run or ride to benefit the Lance Armstrong Foundation and show support for the 28 million living with cancer today! There will be activities for runners and cyclists of all levels before and after the event! Friends and family are invited to join in the fun at the LIVESTRONG Village at the Trinity Corners Shopping Center, featuring booths and tables from local organizations and businesses, and you'll be provided a directory of participating shops within walking distance so you can enjoy the day! - 5/1 in Stamford, CT - Shop Smart/Do Good at Lord & Taylor in Stamford - http://www.lordandtaylor.com/
dogoodstamford
Donate $5 for every ticket that you want for the event, and you'll get access to Lord & Taylor's best offers of the year with very limited exclusions! Be sure to select "Lance Armstrong Foundation" in the drop down menu when you purchase tickets online. Everyone who gets their tickets to benefit the Lance Armstrong Foundation will be entered to win a $25 Lord & Taylor Gift Card from me! You can also, email me and I can send you your tickets in advance. Tickets will also be available at the Fondue-Raiser and the ROCK the RIDE & RUN. - 5/6 in New York City, NY - Team LIVESTRONG joins the TD Bank 5 Boro TourJoin Team LIVESTRONG as we ride the TD Bank 5 Boro Tour! Let me know if you want to join us - rmendes.livestrong@gmail.com! And let me refer you to the team - For every new VIP registration that I refer, another $100 will be donated to LIVESTRONG! Email me if you would like one of the remaining VIP slots left!
- June - date TBD - Camping Trip for Cancer SurvivorsSupported and sponsored by EMS with additional supplies by REI - please let me know if you'd be interested in participating in a weekend of hiking, camping and outdoor activities at a local nature reserve!
- The Melting Pot for so generously hosting our 2nd Annual Fondue-Raiser
- The 3rd Annual ROCK the RIDE & RUN would like to thank the growing number of businesses & organizations who have committed to joining us: The Pound Ridge Business Association, The Traveling Bike Shop, REI, EMS, Mark Boyland of Keller Williams Real Estate, Keystone Development, Team Danbury Audi - a local amateur team with some of the top competitive cyclists in their class!
- Lord & Taylor for allowing us to participate in the Shop Smart/Do Good event
- We are still actively seeking volunteers & sponsors for the 3rd Annual ROCK the RIDE & RUN! We need people to help at registration, to receive riders, runners & walkers upon their return, items for raffle, swag bags, sponsors for our t-shirts, businesses willing to donate food & drinks, etc.
- Do you own, or are associated with, a local gallery and would be willing to allow a 2-4 week long exhibit and art sale benefiting LIVESTRONG? Please let us know - we have a number of artists from across the country donating pieces for this project - now, we only need a home!
- The Wilton YMCA is currently seeking votes to receive a grant and the LIVESTRONG at the YMCA program! Vote to bring LIVESTRONG funding to Wilton, CT for a program proven to support families fighting cancer. Add your vote before the deadline. http://vote.livestrong.org//
vote2012/applicants/ 215-wilton-family-ymca-inc/ - If you are a cancer survivor, or know one, and would like to join a small group of us for a camping trip, please let me know. I'm working on solidifying a date and location, but EMS & REI have agreed to provide us with some equipment for free and at reduced rates, as well as some guides. It should be a lot of fun and a nice treat!
As always, I look forward to seeing all of you at our events! Be sure to introduce yourself and keep in touch! Thanks again!
If you cannot attend one of our events, but you would still like to contribute to the cause, please go to http://laf.convio.net/goto/
--
Rica Mendes, LIVESTRONG Leader
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