Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Facing Chemo: The Pros

I got word yesterday that I'm going to need chemo. I don't know if I'm going to lose my hair, for sure, but with my luck...

So, I'm putting together a "pro" list of chemo...
  • I will finally make Chabad, the ladies in Meah She'arim that spat at me, and all the Orthodox Rabbis that taught me that once I was married I had to cover my hair proud that I'm finally covering my head, wearing a shaidel, a big hat and/or a scarf, with not a single strand of natural hair will be seen in public
  • No such thing as a "bad hair day"
  • I won't have to worry about how much it costs to get my hair done
  • I won't have to pluck my eyebrows
  • A valid reason to buy those ridiculously lush false eyelashes that all the Real Housewives wear
  • I'll be my own case study for how amazing Mary Kay's skin care and makeup is
  • I can impersonate my cousin if I get a long, deep auburn/brown wig and chemo makes me lose a lot of weight
  • My hair won't get smushed under my bike helmet anymore
  • The kids and I can dress as the Three Stooges for Halloween, and I can be Curly
  • APPLE FRITTERS (an homage to Lance Armstrong)
  • Can you get a Handicapped Sticker for chemo?
  • If I'm lucky, I fall on the weight-loss side of chemo, not the weight gain
And, I can wear wigs... I already have these from various costumes:
I have this in glow-in-the-dark filament!
I have a MUCH better version of this one
And this one from my Morticia
Lillian Vernon costume

But... now, if I lose my hair, I can wear THESE...
Flash to 3rd Grade!
Bratty Punk
Severe Israeli
My inner goth
If I get the new boobs, I can pose on a plane's wing
(unless my Rock gets to it and drops
a bucket of nails through it.)
Pitti Sing! "Three Little Maids Are We!"
Last, but not least, if I am afraid of the dark!

3 comments:

  1. Oh, I love the Bratty Punk one. :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hello,
    I have a question about your blog. Please email me!
    Thanks,
    David

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ohh I want the purple one!!

    ReplyDelete

I'm all about free speech, etc, but I have to ask that comments are respectful of other readers, the fact that I, and many of us who follow this blog, support LIVESTRONG, and that you reserve Lance or LIVESTRONG bashing for another forum. As of right now, I'm still allowing Anonymous postings, however, that may not be the case in the future. Thanks!